Throughout my entire life I've known I've been Indigenous. Whether my family celebrated this heritage or not I've always had the inclination of my heritage. This wasn't fully realized until 2012 when I applied for my Indigenous status and finally received it after years of law change.
(Carlie Forsythe and I in 2016 when she was student union president. I have since lost that smile you see here.)
I fully embraced my heritage when I did finally become officially Indigenous. Finally I could be included into a reserve and know that I could learn more and more each day about my way of life. After doing some research, I found that I could return to post-secondary and truly finish my marketing career with not only a Business marketing diploma, but as well as a Honours Bachelor of Commerce degree in Digital Marketing at Fanshawe in London, Ontario. This came somewhat bittersweet however as during that time I was sexually assaulted by a college employee. It still stings me to this day about what had transpired, but I have to move on with my life despite my tenure there being sullied.
(I was shocked. One of my proudest postsecondary moments.)
I really should have seeked more mental health counseling after finishing Fanshawe. I did not realize I was still carrying that pain with me, and eventually brought it to Rama via a job I had obtained for a band office position.
Trying to take care of my mother, myself and Rama became stressful after time. My boss at the time at Rama offered no help, and was even critical of me for small events.
(The first ever Moosehide campaign at Fanshawe. I brought the idea to the people you see below; it's now a yearly even at Fanshawe.)
(Photo: Myself and the other directors at the Institute of Indigenous Learning at Fanshawe in London, Ontario)
Stress from many areas weighed down upon me. I was at a breaking point. An event with my mother and myself saw her move back to her hometown of Huntsville, Ontario. Soon after this I gave my resignation in for that band office job. I couldn't handle what had transpired in my life up to this point. At one point I was suicidal.I became very, very depressed and saw three visits to Soldiers' Memorial Hospital in Orillia for mental health reasons between November 2021 and January of 2022. I was a mess. I almost became homeless. I placed a word out on Facebook if anyone had a spare room and a cousin I had never met to this point messaged me and offered to help. Little did I know what I had 'signed up for' by accepting his help.
Even after a month at Fish Side Road had me wondering my choice. Not only is the area unsafe for anyone to live in - after a month's time I began to see my relative's true side of himself. No longer did he hide his daily alcohol abuse. The drugs became visible. And his demeanor towards me changed from one of acceptance to one of a burden.
The smallest things would see me get blame cast on me. (some examples: his television internet cutting in and out - I must be hogging all the bandwidth. The way I used to park my car in his driveway - I was blocking all traffic from entering.) Blame for everything, which in all cases wasn't true, but try telling him that. I now walk on 'eggshells' everyday there as who knowns when a blade of grass is out of place or something around the place makes him upset. It's a shock when he talks to me 'normally.'
After cleaning and spending over $100 on cleaning products from top to bottom, I cleaned that entire place (5855 Fish Side Road). Shockingly, within 2 weeks of me cleaning, the place would be at a worse state than what it was before I cleaned. After six times of doing this, I had had enough and just gave up.
The walls of my room are still covered in tobacco from the previous individual that lived in this room, my cousin's father. Looking outside onto the eavesdropping...that isn't dirt. That's black mold. I worked as a mold cessation officer back in 2013 at Deerhurst Resort in Huntsville while an area was under renovations. I know mold. I also know how to test for it. It's disturbing to think how long this has been there, and it's right outside my bedroom window.
Throughout this all I have tried to be strong but it is increasingly tougher as I get older. I have sat in this room and cried for hours on end, sometimes thinking this was it for me.
However, throughout deep counseling into emotion regulation and dialectical behavior therapy, the Red Road program, taking a DBT course through Catholic Family Services in the area and by meeting good, honest people I have been much more positive than I previously was. I had almost given up all hope.
I had no idea I would be meeting someone in my journey in the form of Laura Rachar and her mom Miriam, both whom work at the Tim Horton's in Rama. They have breathed new life into me. They have helped emotionally, financially and spiritually. Being around positive people who truly want the best for me is new to me, surprisingly. I'm so used to how my cousin treats me - like dirt.
I want to get away from the negativity, the alcoholism and the disgusting living habits and start a new life.I have been surrounded by alcohol and alcoholism almost my entire life.I want to change and need a change in my life.
I have recently paid off my debt to Rama in full. By providing me a new place, I can dictate the positivity around me. But not where I am now.
Getting a new place would be instrumental in me getting better and even getting back to work in my field. It seems like such a waste to be using some of my talents at the Rama Country Market, but not my full scope of what I do.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and to even consider me for a new housing unit. This would certainly change my life drastically, for the good.
I leave this matter in your capable hands.
Chi Miigwech. Baa Maa Pi.
No comments:
Post a Comment